For all you, ‘new wives-to-be’… maybe the ‘ex-wife’ isn’t as rigid as you think. Maybe she is just done…. Read on.
Moving on…. Time to pack the emotional bags of left over crap and let go. Harder than it sounds but also a relief, relief in knowing it is finally over. All these years of his non-verbal cues, hinting at wanting something more, hinting at knowing how he screwed up but never having a clue on how to clean it up. Attempting at being responsible but failing over and over to follow through. Showing up to be the weekend dad, but not having the slightest idea of how to be a dad at all.
I want to say ‘I hope my ex will be happy’ and mean it. Maybe that should be a guide that I have truly moved on… It is ridiculous to look at how many years I gave him the benefit of hoping he would figure it out, us out. How many years of trying to keep the boat from rocking. On one hand it seems like a waste of time, on the other, I know that I was always keeping the kids relationship with him a priority.
Did I do the right thing? All that time and energy of trying to make it work… trying to co-parent in a civil manner? What would have happened if I had just said, ‘screw you’ and left. If I had focused on self-preservation instead of keeping things copasetic for him and the kids. I know rationally I did the right thing… I guess I’m asking, ‘was it best for me?’ best for me to be so accommodating, best for me to stay put, best for me to put the kids above my own needs. What have I lost for everybody else?
Somehow the freedom of it finally being over has given me the freedom to allow myself to acknowledge how much energy I put into him. How I didn’t stand up for myself. How I kept hoping and trying to keep him responsible as a dad for the kids, when I should have just let him figure it out for himself, even if it meant failure. But that was too sad to me, for the kids sake. Who doesn’t want their kids to have a great dad?!
And now, it‘s time, I‘m done…. I’m looking after ME.
Somehow, now that he is getting remarried, I am comfortable with putting up strong ‘go away’ messages. The boundaries are clear. I just want it to be over. Then why can’t I honestly say I am happy for him? Yet, I am relieved for me?! In a way, caring about his happiness keeps me invested. I don’t want to be invested; I don’t want to waste more time and energy on him.
So, although, I’m not all yippee-skippy about their wedding, I am yippee-skippy that I am free! It’s her turn… good luck new wife, I’m moving on!
