I’m hearing crickets…..
There is a load of information on the web for the future couple in how to blend a family. And an obscene amount of information on how to handle the ‘ex’… me! But I can not find a thing on how I am supposed to deal with all this. Do I just step-aside and trust they will take care of my kids? Believe me, I really want to stay out of their lives, to the point of taking a job 600 miles away. But that’s not best for the kids, to be so far from dad, so I turned it down.
What do I do? Stand-up and try to be an adult or shut up and hope they do the right thing? I think it’s funny, not in a ha-ha sort of way, that ‘exs’ supposed to step aside and trust the other parent…. Really? We divorced for a reason! And now I’m supposed to trust his judgment 100%? Really?!
Ok… at least give me your opinion about what I should talk about – or not talk about. And how I can manage my emotions and not puke in the middle of the conversation. My emotions are all over the place. I can’t begin to explain to friends how horrible it feels to know my children have this huge extended family that’s about to be created and I’m not a part of. They are getting step-brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, cousins, grandparents and future nieces and nephews. Crap, even a dog and cat! I have; me, my aging parents and the kids… as my parents pass on… it will just be me. I’m not trying to have a pity party but it’s a horrible, lonely feeling to think my kids will be around this dinner table with another family and I’m the Mom, who is not there. They have a family that I’m not in.
I keep running mantras thru my head; ‘keep moving forward’, ‘live your own life’, ‘breathe’, ‘it could be worse’, ’count your blessings’, blah, blah, blah… they help remind me I have no control, they‘re also irritating as hell. Every mom out there knows what a terrible place it is to let your children go and have no control and the younger your babies are the worse it is. I tell anyone who will listen… you think it’s hard being married? Try being divorced with kids!
So, what’s the point of this blog? I try to have a point… I hope, if nothing else… to put some information out there about what’s it’s like to be the ‘ex’. We don’t want to be in your lives just as much as you don’t want to be in ours. But because we have kids, we are stuck together, forever. Thank God I have my kids, too bad he didn’t die.
Meanwhile, let’s talk.
